I don’t know where to begin. So again, I’ll start with what I know. This really is the only place any of us can begin. And doesn’t that make it so important to know – the truth, the right, the good, the best?
I know I need Jesus. I know I love Jesus. And I know this is possible only because He knows me; He first loves me.
And like a child, I run to Him. I trust Him. I sit in His lap. I lean into Him and breathe in Him.
My heart is so full. Petty problems; day to day lists. Belittled. Made nothing.
God is SO big. SO good. He is GOD.
Battles raging. Bullets flying. Do I look left? Do I look right? Do I just close my eyes and cover my head and bury myself in the sand?
Oh Jesus. With open hands I surrender all.
And it’s so funny, isn’t it? Because what we thought were treasures and wonderful accessories and can’t-live-without necessities become stupidities and absurdities and what-in-the-world-was-I-thinking when we bring them and surrender them to Jesus.
It’s like if a child tries to pay for a diamond ring with trinkets from his classroom’s treasure chest.
That is us. with our trinkets. with our toys. with our trash.
We think it so glitzy. And then we go before the Lord Almighty.
And friends, it’s not that He is condescending and scornful.
It’s that we get an eyeful of Him. And we think, what was I thinking!? This trash!? I was holding onto THIS!? instead of clinging to THAT!
Sometimes – many times – we don’t realize all of this until pain shouts in our faces and blasts our skin back and slams our hearts against all of what we thought was our security.
Like my good friend, C. S. Lewis writes, “God whispers to us in our pleasure, speaks to us in our conscience, and SHOUTS to us in our pain.” (The Problem of Pain)
And we cover our ears and we stumble backward, stammering, not knowing what to do. And it is GOD speaking to US.
in our pain. from the broken places. in the rubble. hearts slammed to the ground.
He is shouting – I AM GOD. I AM SOVEREIGN. I AM GOOD. I AM SALVATION.
Like Narnia’s Aslan, Jesus is not safe, but He is good.
Like Narnia’s Aslan, Jesus is on the move.
Like Narnia’s Aslan, Jesus is our Lion of Judah.
And when we cannot stand it any longer, we can bury our faces into His mane and we can rest our head upon His shoulder and we can say ‘It is well with my soul’ and ‘Thus saith the Lord.’
Jesus has planned the beautiful. AND He orchestrates the broken. He is Sovereign. He does it all for HIS GLORY AND FOR OUR GOOD.
And we can end where we began, knowing that we NEED Him. knowing that we LOVE Him. Knowing that He is our ALL in ALL and He LOVES us.
A Grief Observed
